Thrive Parenting - For Parents with Kids who Need "Extra Supports"

Staying Sane while Staying Home (with kids)

May 06, 2020 Jennie and Lynn Owens Season 1 Episode 1
Thrive Parenting - For Parents with Kids who Need "Extra Supports"
Staying Sane while Staying Home (with kids)
Chapters
0:30
Meet Jennie and Lynn
1:32
Do Parents really have extra Time?
2:46
The Pascals from Moldova - The Adventurers
7:40
Amanda Daniels - Using Resources available to you
13:27
Dayna Sabbath - Virtual Baby Sitters
17:42
Ashley Miller - Reframing the Everyday
23:05
Chaney Mobley - Online Art Class as a Family
28:59
The Bottom line on Staying Sane
Thrive Parenting - For Parents with Kids who Need "Extra Supports"
Staying Sane while Staying Home (with kids)
May 06, 2020 Season 1 Episode 1
Jennie and Lynn Owens

In this very first episode of the Thrive Parenting Podcast, we interviewed parents from around the world who had great ideas for staying sane while staying at home with their kids.

Show notes, a summary of the conversation and links to the podcast can be found at https://www.canyonlakescounseling.com/staying-sane


Support the show (https://www.canyonlakescounseling.com/thrive/)

Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers

In this very first episode of the Thrive Parenting Podcast, we interviewed parents from around the world who had great ideas for staying sane while staying at home with their kids.

Show notes, a summary of the conversation and links to the podcast can be found at https://www.canyonlakescounseling.com/staying-sane


Support the show (https://www.canyonlakescounseling.com/thrive/)

spk_0:   0:01
coming up on Episode one of the Thrive parenting podcast. That's right, the very first episode of his brand new podcast. We're gonna be talking to parents from around the world about ideas. They have to stay sane while staying home with their kids. And I've been surprised and shocked at the creative ideas that they've had, not only for their kids but also for themselves. Because at a time where so many and supports are gone and still in the in, the demands have increased on the parents. The all these ideas that they're using to stay sane and to make it to the end of the day without becoming a puddle do so. All that and more coming up on five Parenting. Welcome to Thrive parenting. I'm Jenny Owens, author of Dancing With the Porky Pine, and I'm Lynne Owens of her delightful husband, and I am the co founder, co owner of Canyon Lake's Family Counting centre and stomach, Washington, and where I specialize in treating kids who have special challenges, especially trauma in their backgrounds. And this is five parenting, a podcast and video cast for parents of who are raising kids who just needs some extra supports, and that could be mental health issues That could be autism that could be behavioral issues. So if you're a parent who just knows that you're if you're exhausted, the parent, you probably that that parent that we're talking to And we want you to know we're here for you every week to bring sport encouragement along the way and because we want you to know that you're absolutely not alone and you're not crazy, and we just look forward to building that community with you in the weeks to come and will be releasing these issues, these episodes every Wednesday Don't hold me to that, cause we're also parents. But before we get into today's episode, we keep hearing about people having all this extra time on their hands. And so we wanted to ask our panel what they're doing with all this extra time. But they had nothing. I am I am not learning the language. I am not cleaning out a closet, Okay? Not even rolling my own grass. I turn out to be the laziest person in existence. Nothing. Well, I have four kids home schooling, two of them, and for them playing the game where I keep all the tally marks of how many times a day my kids say, Mom, this time I have four kids. This is a unique situation. We haven't seen something like this before and we didn't have time to prepare for it. And so there's no books about what to do during a pandemic with your kids. And so we thought, Let's just start asking a bunch of wasted a lot of contacts around the world. So we started asking them in. Our first parents were going to talk to our Sasha and Sarah Pascal and they actually missionaries in the country of model. But he's actually an adult in and and so we had to get pretty early this morning to connect with them because they're so far off on time with us. Here's our conversation with Sarah and there is your city right in Moldova. And you guys, you have a pretty small living space. Yeah, yeah, we have about 650 square feet and two kids for Wow. Okay, so just like a step up from us in the Harvey about one but one more kid. No. One more kid. That's true. Yeah, it's really about equal. So what are you doing to stay sane, or are you staying saying it's a good question? Yes. We told our kids that were adventurers, and we're gonna be exploring new places. Okay, What a fun way to do it. Sometimes that just means, like, one mile difference from where we parked the car last time. Um, but we've been all kind of around our section of this of the city. We drive like 20 minutes and pull over and park and go find something to Dio. Okay, And our kids, this is like, the most magical time of day because our kids love this time outside, we do it

spk_1:   4:04
for one or two hours every

spk_0:   4:05
day. Wow, that's a big minute. They're climbing trees, and this is feels like the most downtime for us because there being really well behaved, and they're really excited to be outside. And, um, it means that we're not having a stance e of dinners because we're not prepping as much or, um, maybe we have to wake up a little earlier in the morning to get more stuff. Does we can go out and do it, but we're making it happen every day that we can all stay saying, I imagine it's quite a bit easier toe to manage young kids in the wilderness as opposed to in a 600 square foot apartment. Is it that you find rejuvenating for you, too? Yeah, it's like,

spk_1:   4:47
uh, you know, wear outside. They are running, jumping, skipping. It's not like, Oh, stay still, don't touch. This is usually one, especially with the with our boy. He can't stop himself from touching everything, and that would stress on human on us. But when we were outside, here's

spk_0:   5:08
how. Let's look, let's see what you look at that

spk_1:   5:11
bird. And then they they just look pick up sticks and

spk_0:   5:17
it's just

spk_1:   5:18
exploring every day, something new.

spk_0:   5:22
So is there. Do you see any downtime during the day with the kids, then s. So we have our kids nap every day. We call it rest time, don't have to sleep, but you have to stay quiet and it's an hour. So after an hour, we keep our word and we go on peak on them and see who's awake and let him get up, and we usually try to just rest during that time ourselves. So not try and use that time to try and get a bunch of stuff done. Um, but to just, like, put our feet up for a few minutes and do some pleasure reading Or, you know, something like something like that. Were drinking an extra cup of coffee, secretly eat cake. Uh, one of things in talking to the Pascal's. I was so impressed by the walks in the woods is they kept running into these unusual places and things like their son, who needed to do a lot of, like this perceptive and this tubular motion. And he needed to swing a lot. They were at Miller would have found a swing hanging from the trees, and I just couldn't believe it is like I was so and then just the number of fun experiences that had, and we've noticed that are you know, we feel energized doing something new, meaning new places. This is fun. It's stimulating to the mind to get kind of doubt that right, So I'd love what they were doing. Yeah, and we realized, by the way, with all of these ideas that you might not be able to do all of them. Um, not everybody has access toe hiking places or things that, um you know where you can get outside for a couple of hours, right? But you is. The thing we're seeing is just using resource Is that have able to you because they live in a 600 square foot apartment? Yeah, and so they're Resource was the head. There's, you know, witnesses in a nearby area. So whatever's available? Yeah, by the way, for the people who are stuck in an apartment. What's that one resource of the dances and stuff? Only the know that when we found Yeah, go noodle, which is a lot of school uses. Go noodle dot com And we love that because new dance parties that teaches you to do like a different dance moves and different exercises. It's a really great resource of people who stuck inside. There was even one where you have to, like, pop the bubbles, so it's like they're getting active that way. It was really fun. Speaking of resources that are available to you, our next guest is Amanda and 10 Daniels, and they've has a really unique things that a lot people don't have available to them that were made available to them that they've been using really effectively. Here it is, You know, for me after or we're into this for a few weeks, it was kind of realizing, OK, time is somehow bowl off crawling by, but also flying by, um And so when we got a few weeks into it trying to say okay, if this is gonna be how it is for a little while, I can't just fly by the seat of my pants. We had a big shift. Where? Tim? My husband actually started working at home first. And then I started working at home afterwards on DSO. He was really struggling with feeling like he needed to show up fully as an employee the way he had been. He's a great worker, and I just kept kind of saying they can't expect the same standard that get passed to be or because we're stuck at home. And there's this quote that really resonated with me, that where they said, um, you are not working from home. You're at home in a crisis trying toe work so big. You know, that's a big shift, because then your mind isn't that well, I'm an employee first and foremost know where people in family members, first and foremost, I'm trying to keep up with our jobs as best we can, especially beginning when schools were trying to get their stuff figured out. I was like, If I get one more email from Class Tojo's I wear, not the only one feeling that way Now you have one of the more unique situations that I don't know. If a lot people have attacked in that you have some help every day. Tell us a little about that. Yeah, and so we've been lucky enough. My parents live fairly close, and so we made the decision early on to you as we isolate to isolate with them. They're in a household. Words. My mom and my step dad and my brother are living there, my adult brother. And so he is in a position right now where he's between jobs. And so we, um you are between daycare. And so I said, Hey, you, would you be interested in maybe homeschooling trying to take on some of the homeschooling stuff for our kids and we could give you are daycare money and so that for us has been a really big difference maker. I almost feel like, Oh, I don't know that I am allowed to claim like I'm in the trenches of bears because so what held, you know, it was really nice. It's a huge gift on dive even had some other people. As this has gone on, they've talked about. They've decided to quarantine with their parents after doing the appropriate, you know, isolation. I love that now. A lot of the things we used to just kind of stay saying, Take care of ourselves when we're in normal, day to day in the trenches with kids are gone How are you pampering yourself during this time they are taking care of. But for me, I tried to really strict in the beginning of like, I'm not getting my coffee is I'm not doing, you know, like and also try and see where we're at finding actually. But as things have kind of settled down, I'm allowing myself a couple times a week to go to my drive through coffee place. You know, I usually wear a mask. Have my wife's went down the cup like practice already. Yeah, but I like it's just a sanity break. The other thing is I'm totally like a saver. Like where I will buy, like, a really nice candle or something, and then save it for a special occasion. And then you go back and I never use it, I think. Yeah, Yeah. I think a lot of us moms can relate to that. So just tryingto bust some of those things out and say, Nope. I'm not going to save this for a rainy day. Your special occasion like this is now life. It's a special occasion. The states, That is awesome. Right? Well, if this isn't what is right, because this is a ring A or yeah, yeah, you don't need it. Now that you're doing really well, you unclench a little bit Speed round. Jenny, You ready? Oh, these questions So we know we haven't told you about and we want an answer it like a one sentence or less. So this round questions are all right. So number one what is one non essential thing you've gone out for? I've confessed already. Coffee. It's OK. That is essential. If you're wanted. Dispensaries are essential that I don't see how coffee shops are not seriously. People like need ideas of coffee the other day. So the top shows you binge watched who I'm all American on. Netflix has been one that I've kind of burns through. You know, that a favorite game to play the family who sorry is really popular. Sometimes it gets a little heated, though. Candy everybody s So I love how she talks about using special things now because you know how many people, like saved their good China for, you know, Onley special things, and they never end up using them. And this is like it once in two generations sort of thing. He's been Seriously, our great grandparents were last ones who did something sort of like this. And so why not pull out the special China and the special candles in the bath salts and that who knows, right? Yeah, great time, whatever you need. I mean, that's yeah, let's let's use it. Yeah, using what's available to you, that came something that seems to be the thing that keeps coming up. And, uh, they what a great thing to have an out of work for adults. Toe told school. Your kids all day long, and that's a huge blessing. Oh, yeah, Absolutely. And I know a lot of families have been trying to get really creative with doing that. Um, yeah, our next person. That was one of the ideas that she had a really great. You know, if you don't, you're not able to have someone come into your home. This idea that she had was more virtual data from Pittsburgh offensively area, and she's adoptive Foster, Mom. And, uh here we go, Right. So she was having her family call and read books to her Children and her Children call and read books to their family. So giving half on hour to an hour of screen time with a trusted adult and their family. And they were doing fun things like dressing up. And, um, her uncle long gone to read some mystery book wearing a monocle, and it just cracked up on then and then the next day, she wanted toe pick a book about clowns so she could wear clown wigs. She could surprise him and read the book him things. For my friend, who has four Children, it's an opportunity to step away and do whatever with that 30 to 60 minutes for herself and know that that screens totally safe, that that person is trusted and that they're gonna keep their child engaged for that amount of time. That's awesome. Yeah, right. You mean a virtual baby sitter? Essentially. But yeah. Yeah. And actually, my sister in law just sent me an article that there are some performers, I think in New York City that are now doing some sort of virtual baby sitting and that way where it's entertaining and then like this great ideas, like performers reading to your kids. And that sounds wonderful, but I kind of it started with that. I I guess what came down to is like, I don't want people to say, Look, we need to be doing these amazing ideas. It's amazing creative ideas for your kids because that makes you a good mom. Absent your thinking if having Grandma call on your kid for an hour gives you a break and go for it. But as long as there's some benefit, I'm not saying you should Do you think? Yeah. Guilty together Work for everybody? Yeah. Didn't make you feel more energy to you then I wouldn't feel guilty. Yeah, it's more work for you to do it. Then it is benefit than let's probably counterproductive. Wasn't you? Don't talk about the Yeah. Yeah. So my aunt called the other day and I was just trying to read a book, and Decile was very busy. And I don't know why she was such a busy body that day, but I just thought I let her talk to somebody on the phone so I can read a book. And I heard that some of the stuff that might aunt was asking her was so silly, But it was just to keep her on the phone. Oh, speed, Round questions. I know you opportunities, but we got three of them. Here we go. 11 sentence or less than one non essential thing you've gone out for. Oh, jeez, Doritos, those things. All right, top shows you binge watched. Um, no. Kate K c. Undercover rundisney I for that much, but I dio watch sometimes court tv cause I'm like into those like murder mystery podcasting. Kind of things nice. Um, favorite game to play is a family. Um problem. Charades way never played games. She had some really great ideas. Yeah. Um, and we've got the link down below virtual baby sitters dot com and in the throw notes over a Canyon Lake's counseling dot com slash thrive. Well, read the links to those sights, and, you know, sometimes it's a really great idea. I think the one thing that we for data, sometimes you have great ideas. It's still like, you know, people pull him off. Exactly. You might not have the people who are willing to help out with it or whatever, but I love that people are kind of stepping up and making things available. I mean, like this virtual baby sitters club. I mean, that's what a great idea. Yeah, No. Sometimes it's great ideas that sometimes it's just the Monday and I was really surprised as I was asking people, What are you doing to stay saying how some really simple things done? Well, then right can make a huge difference. So this is Ashley. She's ah, Foster. Adopt mom in California, shuttle Bush, little kids down there in that house, and it helps going for a while. So is this kind of thing wasn't terribly you for them, but a lot of newer things coming up when you first asked me about self care. Um, the thing is, I quickly realized I had to reframe it. And it's actually something I have to admit. I'm not very good at putting myself first. Um, I think our culture often thinks about self care in these bigger like, oh, going to get a massage. You're going to get your nails done and I love those things, but I need more than daily. How do I meet my needs first before I meet my kids? Eso. During this time, I've actually been better about my hygiene, which sounds funny, but often to get the kids to school. I just get up, Go downstairs, my PJs, get everyone ready and maybe not. Come back until noon to get myself ready. Which sounds funny, but as a homeschool mom, I don't have anywhere to go so other, huh? But now I've reframed it as OK. I feel better about the day. If I get up, get dressed, do wash my face, my teeth, all those things shower once in a while on. Then I feel more ready to meet my kids and to meet the day then when I just run out of bed to get to the first, you know, kid out the door, whatever it ISS. Yeah, that's really smart because, you know, one of the principles of mindfulness just, you know, helpful things. Got a lot of science behind it these days is when you do something, just do it deliberately. So I'm brushing my teeth for me. Yeah, it is because I love myself cause I want, you know, it. Whatever it is, I'm doing it for me. Reframe it. That was a really way to say it. Well, I love what you said, cause I'm I think so. Many times, parents think, um, well, to be a good parent, I have to keep meeting my kids needs. And I love what you said because it's basically that idea that you know, in order to be a good parent, you have to take care of yourself. And you have to put your oxygen mask on before you can put on your kids oxygen mask, kind of the airplane. You know, you're in an airplane kind of thing. So I love that, You know, it's like I think it do you find that when you do that, it sounds like you like that. Make you feel like that makes you a better mom, even. Exactly. And I think sometimes we talk about self care in our culture. But forget it's the more basic just am I doing my basic needs for me before I do my kids? And that's not even just okay. But that's necessary. I need to be in myself before I can help them. And then I'll be better at not overreacting to something that happens, which literally just happen in my kitchen. And I had to take a You sit down. I need to do some depressed and and we'll have a discussion. Okay, let me rot Questions that we know you're not prepared for. We got three. OK, OK. One sentence or less. 19 Essential thing. You've got out for us apart. Coffee top shows You bench west. Uh, I can't remember the name of it. Oh, well, I did start Tiger King and couldn't get through it. E loves it. Okay. Last question. Favorite game to play the family during this thing. They had a game moments. Hard to pick a favorite. Um, there's a weird one we like called I found it and there's a Disney version and it's a cooperative game and it requires searching for things on the board, like letters or tails or just weird random objects. But it's fun because it's cooperative. And so everyone's working together as a team and way really love it. Theo, Anything else in your text you want to throw up before we require? Um, one thing I've told all my friends and I find myself doing a lot is our kids are having a tough time. Were you having a tough time? So I was pulling in for hugs all day long. If one of my kids is having a big moment of feeling, even if I am part of the cause for my lap in my big rocking chair and we just snuggle and I've come back to just, you know, the to do list don't matter. Them feeling loved matters. And if that could be my priority each day that they go to bed feeling loved and cared for the fall that matters, right? You're so I love it. Ashley used these everyday things too. Just be intentional about them, so that you can use those things to make sure you could make it through the day. And you know more of those types of things that keep coming out when we're talking to people is for one. It's since using bedtimes, making sure that kids can't come out before a certain time in the morning. If you're a morning person and some said that, they just make sure that you know we have a bedtime routine and it's just kind of hard and fast by eight. Or whenever that they're in bed. That way, if your night person you have that time to recover, rejuvenate yourself. The other thing I would end up being pretty surprised by was how many activities included kids, huh? Um, we had one mom who said that her kids like skateboarding. She was not gonna do it so But she bottle on board and she went enjoyed an activity with her kids and they could do it together. Yeah, that's great. Um, and we have another parents. The models are friends. Go ahead. Yeah, they just had a really great thing that they came across looking for something for a birthday to make it special. And, um came across this really great idea for

spk_1:   23:09
creative ways. Just over her birthday. You know, we're all having to be at home. We came across something called the yea maker and

spk_0:   23:20
yea maker

spk_1:   23:22
yea makers what it's called. It's like one of those that used to be this you go in for sipping pain called on So what? It was I paid, like $15

spk_0:   23:38
exhorted has online

spk_1:   23:40
access which was actually pretty cheap. That was the people, the most expensive. It was behind for six of us. And so we chose the painting that we were all wanted to dio and we spent two hours actually took quite a bit longer than that Christians, that world perfectionist who such about one ready I get, um and we also down and did in acrylic painting on Everyone got along and we all shared pain which I did not expect and oh, we all give each other tips in him I'm painting, which we didn't expect either Well and it was amazing.

spk_0:   24:22
So it's not like your kids were all superb Attribute. Got right ages like from youngest to oldest coming begins and held.

spk_1:   24:30
We have four with, um 18. 16 13 and 11

spk_0:   24:37
so that they all got along Well during this activity was Oh, I would have predicted it. Amazing, right? Yeah.

spk_1:   24:42
No, I wouldn't have either. And my husband's not very creative type person either. So it was awesome. And it was so much fun, and they all asked to do it again.

spk_0:   24:53
Wow. So here's the question. Like So it was great for the kids that your daughter wanted this and it was a great gift for her and super creative. You get two thumbs up for me to get it A You get five gold stars a bomb. You're awesome. Okay, it was good for them. And you're smiling as you're talking about this song. What I'm thinking. You must have enjoyed it too.

spk_1:   25:11
Oh, I absolutely did.

spk_0:   25:13
So this is normal life, giving up opportunity rather than I'm going to do something for my kids. Even if it costs me about something

spk_1:   25:19
right? It was It was fabulous.

spk_0:   25:23
That son was really fun. And here's the thing that's wild to me. I wouldn't if you ask me like if a parent with kids who needs a mattress supports if you ask me, what can you be doing to get extra time to make sure you say you have lots of energy. Make sure that your surviving staying saying you know all those things I probably would start thinking about ways that you could get away from your kids. Take a break. You know nothing. Our kids we don't like. I said, I know we love them, but sometimes you just need a break. You say break. And so here you're talking about something that was dirty life giving for you, which was including your entire family at one time. So I would have predicted that. And that's why I was so shocked at this one.

spk_1:   26:04
Some of my kids are super creative, though, on and it kind of channeled a lot of the different. Uh, it's handles them a lot, and it gave them a creative outlet as well. A couple of my kids aren't quite that creative, but want to be. And so I give us all an outlet.

spk_0:   26:28
What a fun thing, though I mean to find, because I mean at this point, you're you're for a better for lack of a better term stuck together. Um So what a fun idea to find things that you can all enjoy and that his life giving to everybody,

spk_1:   26:46
right well. And I have to be honest, my oldest son, who is one of the ones who heart is typically the hardest. And I did not expect Teoh love it as much as he did with painting butterflies on his painting. And I was very I mean, I was so excited to see that I really never thought that that would happen. And he's been one of the ones he's like, Let's do it again. We painted trees last time like really you want to do again? Yeah, that was awesome.

spk_0:   27:25
You know, I talked about getting away, but what we want is parents. I can see what your heart is, is I want to have a close relationship with my kids. And sometimes really, trauma was. What your kids special need is is really trauma that's scary to them. So they push you away. So to engage in an activity where I get what I want, which is this great relationship? This intimacy with my Children is life giving for and that's

spk_1:   27:48
right. Well, this is things that my older two, who are the ones, especially that suffered from early trauma. Just never did as little kids they didn't hate, they didn't color. And so now to be able to see them do that is exciting.

spk_0:   28:06
Yeah. Okay, now we have our lightning round of questions. We didn't tell you the bath is coming up and one sentence or less. You have to answer these questions. Okay, Number one. What's what? Non essential thing. You going out for one show? You benched wash? That's

spk_1:   28:29
a good question. I can't remember what I want. Uh, no idea.

spk_0:   28:37
A probably is in a corporation. Teoh might be asked. Last question is Oh, yeah, you know the thing, Really? In doing this self care or, you know, taking care of yourself during this time is being intentional and using what's available to you and, um, but also making sure that it's something that feeds you. Yeah, because if you're doing something that you feel like, you should didn't removes all the joy from it. Because, you know, if I feel like I need to learn a new skill bit a lot when we talk to you actually wanted to, they wanted to do something new, something people way had my mom allergic rrochet. One day I took up a new online game with his friends. One started scrapbooking again, but there wasn't a short of them. It was very life giving it. Some people were talking about baking and like that, cooking would be something I want you to do for me, not want to. Do you know that because of his life, getting it's good. So anything can be really that Yeah, yeah. So I think basically the key is just finding what works for you. I'm finding what's life giving? And you know, if those air things like even scrapbooking or things like that, if the kids can do it with you, Um and you're something life giving for you and your keeping them busy at the same time. That's a win win. So if you're doing something because you feel like you have to, I don't care if that's your kid's school work, because, let's face it, that's a big crock right now. Or if it's feel like you need to learn something, you read a book that I mean, we're gonna bring our RV to your house, and we're gonna hunt you down and we're going to find you were going to stop you from feeling guilty about doing that. And for now, just do those life getting things because we think it's not enough to survive in parenting. Challenging kids were getting enough support. It's not enough. Survived through the pandemic. We don't think it's easy, but we think you can't. Right. So we're cracked, aren t genuine owes. You look forward to seeing you next Wednesday. All right, See you later.

Meet Jennie and Lynn
Do Parents really have extra Time?
The Pascals from Moldova - The Adventurers
Amanda Daniels - Using Resources available to you
Dayna Sabbath - Virtual Baby Sitters
Ashley Miller - Reframing the Everyday
Chaney Mobley - Online Art Class as a Family
The Bottom line on Staying Sane